If you’re not a widow or single person why is this post worth reading? Because this is a peek into our world and it’s important to tell your partner today which one you’re most appreciative of. If you are a single mom or widow, you’re not alone.
Not until I met my husband Kevin did I actually like hugs. He hugged like no other. The kind that cracked your back and lifted you up off the ground until you shrieked and he set you down. Many people know “the Kevin hug” I’m talking about. I haven’t really liked hugs (except with my kids) since then. The hug from your partner is not comparable to any other hug. The strong arms, the closeness, the extended period of time you could just stay in that spot without any need to move. The feeling of: “I’m yours, I’ve got you, we’re together.” Single and widowed people don’t have this feeling with their partner anymore.
- Couples friends
When you married your spouse, they usually came with friends, some of which became your “couples friends.” Or maybe the couples friends were people that you met together through church, or kids’ sporting events or through your neighborhood. You go camping with them, vacation with them, have game nights together, have bonfires with them, or go out to a new restaurant with them. I miss being a couple and having couples friends.
- Financial stability
The financial stability of knowing if one of us had to leave our job, there was still the other holding us up. I’ve been a single mom way longer than I was a married mom but I miss that stability that comes with another income. It’s a big responsibility to be the sole income earner without another person that can supplement. To have double my income would be amazing – more giving, more saving, more stability.
- Teamwork mentality
When your patience is wearing thin, when your anger is escalating, when you can’t be in two places at once, when you need to bounce an idea off of someone who has the same vested interest as you, when you need a night off….your teammate is there. Single parents may have friends or relatives that can help with some of these issues but nothing beats the “immediate swoop.” The in-house, right there, “I’m coming,” that is available to those that have a teammate in the house. I miss my teammate.
It doesn’t usually happen that household responsibilities are split 50-50; (most) moms, I see you! For single/widowed moms it’s 100-0. Working full time, having a house and car and being responsible for 100% of the duties of the house is exhausting. Depending on age, our kids can help with chores. You can have “cereal nights” for dinner. You can hire out snowplowing, yardwork, cleaning, and fix-it jobs but at a cost not always affordable. It’s still not even close to 50-50 when you’re a single mom. The weekend is a “this or that” situation. If you do x, y and z…then a, b, and c don’t get done. We have to choose which tasks to do and which to let go of; we cannot do it all alone. When you have that partner, you can split up or share the responsibilities. Even if it’s not 50-50, it’s better than 100-0. Having a partner to help means you can say “yes I’ll be there” and “yes, you can sign up.” Two partners still have to make choices and don’t get everything done, but I miss being able to count on that other person to balance out the parenting responsibilities.
This isn’t a “poor me” post….just a peek into the world of single momhood/widowhood so that others can understand and be grateful for what they have. When you feel moved to, reach out and help others that don’t have what you do.
If you are a widow or single mom, which of these are you missing most today?